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Comments
When asked how it felt to be the prison librarian, I said it had its prose and cons.
If two Vegans are fighting, is it still called a Beef?
I find the greatest conflict in a loaf of bread tends to be in the middle yeast.
Meatloaf
I often wonder why tinned cat food isn't usually made from mice and birds; I have yet to find half a tuna on my door mat.
We were told to bring a compass on the hike, but I don't see how drawing circles will help.
I love hyperbole more than anyone else in the whole wide world.
After long consideration I have decided to donate my body to science because I need room in my freezer.
3 wheelchair athletes in the special Olympics tested positive for WD-40
A smart person can fake stupidity, but a stupid person can’t fake smartidity
Florida’s Drunk Squirrels Are Back — And They’re Waging War on Birdfeeders Again
Apparently it's fermented fruit.
Guy on a tractor just drove by shouting the end of the world is nigh,turns out it was Farmer Geddon
I really kicked ass and took names at work this week, which didn’t go over well since I’m a kindergarten teacher.
When a short person says nice hair, check your zipper immediately.
When you hit the roads with your vicious gang, dressed to the nines in all that glorious leather, fist bumping at every stoplight, zigzagging through McDonald’s parking lots like a gator is on your trail— for the love of God and all things holy — make sure your ginormous ass crack isn’t hanging out. It sort of kills the vibe for those around you.
When the factory shut down I bought their old refrigerator, but now whenever I work from home someone steals my lunch.
I wrote a book on penguins, but the flapping made the chapters hard to follow.
When I die I’d like the word "Humble" to be engraved on my statue.