The father/daughter version of Grey Gardens

Slowly getting back to work on the novella that’s due at the end of the month. I’ve been doing more thinking about the story than writing, but that’s not a bad thing. Thinking is part of the writing process, after all. I believe I understand what I need to do to expand the existing text. In fact, the original version of the story cuts a lot of corners that deserved more. I never explored who the characters were in any depth, and the detective arrives at the conclusion without much effort. All that is going to change. Just hope I have time to work it all out properly.

House went in an unexpected direction last night. With only one more episode to go, I think, all of a sudden they introduce this storyline where he’s injecting himself with a drug that is currently only being tested on rats. Where did that come from? And (according to the previews) it looks like this wacky Hail Mary is going to give him a severe case of tumors. Huh. I’m really glad that Thirteen is back, though. She elevates the show because she is the only character who can talk to House on his level and who truly gets him. Last week she told him that fatalism was his survival mechanism. The opening of this week’s episode was funny, with the spurned lover putting his ex’s photograph on the missile target. And it’s been a while since the patient of the week was a poisoning victim, and with Spanish fly no less. The subplot about the boxer was tedious, though.

Two episodes of The Event remain, and will still don’t really know what the series’ title refers to. Maybe we never will if it is canceled, which seems to be likely. I like the way Jarvis figured out how to nullify the threat of the First Lady only to have her turn the tables on him and let Blake and Simon decoy him. Nicely played. He’s in a real bind now that the antiserum has been administered. His bit with the predator drone already has his staff thinking he’s a nutcase.

I guess the whole thing about the First Lady being one of them was subterfuge because Simon didn’t reveal it to Blake and you think he would this late in the game when things were so desperate. The scene in the shopping mall was a little odd. They wasted a lot of time going through channels to set off the evacuation alarm. Vicky should have pulled out her gun and fired a warning shot. That would have gotten everyone out of there in a hurry. I liked Sean’s solution to the countdown time. “There must be something else that will disrupt the power,” Vicky says. “Bang! Bang! Bang!” My solution to the problem, too, though shooting around that tank of virus was a little risky. Nice finale. We need to infect a hybrid. Where do you think we could find one of those? Oh, wait, we just happen to have one on hand.

An interesting episode of Law & Order: Los Angeles. However, Dekker (Terrence Howard) is turning into an unlikable character. Win at any cost, even if there’s another possible suspect. Attempt to destroy a suspect on the stand knowing full well there’s another one in lockup. Two weeks in a row his ethics have been questionable and de la Garza must be wondering what she got herself into when she agreed to work for him.

Caught up on Castle, with just one more episode to go. Last week’s entry was fun, the trip to L.A. Meeting Gene Simmons (Castle: This is so weird. I dressed up like him for Halloween. Beckett: I did, too.) and visiting the Nikki Heat set where they encounter two actors who look a lot like Ryan and Esposito and learn that the star is in rehab (because of what was euphemistically described as “a mix-up in medication”). Beckett was so far off the reservation in the quest to find her mentor’s killer that she described the weather as “sunny, with a chance of ass kicking,” the ass in question being her own. She seemed to take to the city, though. “In L.A. for a minute and she’s already spouting cheesy movie dialog.” And she understood the magic of the city, too, using the Nikki Heat set and props to con someone into providing evidence. Castle & Beckett had another missed moment in the hotel suite. It was almost like a French farce, with doors opening and closing at the exact wrong moment.

In this week’s episode, the writers did a good job of misdirection. We were led to believe that the victim was a sweet little thang, but it turned out she was a cold, ruthless blackmailer. All of the guest stars were viable suspects. I was really glad they didn’t make it the woman who ran the pageant. She was fingered as a likely candidate late in the episode but she hadn’t had much screen time up to then. The best part of the episode, though, was the loose parallels drawn between Alexis’s dilemma and Castle’s hesitance to make a move with Beckett. Any of the advice he gave to his daughter could have been applied to himself. “Have you ever been crazy about someone who’s determined to push you away?” Alexis’s boyfriend asks him, and on the last syllable of that question, enter Beckett.

Beckett got to reminisce about “her own private Vietnam,” rooming with a beauty queen (“Elle Woods on steroids”). “Our place smelled of hairspray, perfume and cigarettes. I’m surprised we didn’t spontaneously combust.” Creepy conversation about pageants with his mother, who admitted that her talent was the way she wore a sweater. That seemed like dialog more appropriate on Two and a Half Men. Castle’s funny of the week was a pun: “Hoisted on your own Picard,” referencing an artist, not Star Trek. The finale is supposed to end with a dramatic moment: I wonder if that was what they were foreshadowing with the Captain’s retirement threat. “He retires all the time,” Beckett says. “He’s the Brett Favre of the NYPD.” Obscure reference of the year: “We’ll be the father/daughter version of Grey Gardens.” I had to Google that one.

 

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The doctor is in

Summer is here. High of 92° today and very humid. Little chance of rain for the week. Drought now covering most of the state. Other places are getting more than their fair share of precipitation. Why can’t we? Sometimes I wonder if the sky has forgotten how to rain.

I posted my review of A Drop of the Hard Stuff by Lawrence Block. A new Matt Scudder is always cause to celebrate.

Dead Set, the anthology that contains my story “Zombies on a Plane,” received a bronze medal in the horror category of the IPPY (Independent Publisher Book) Awards. Thrillers: 100 Must Reads was nominated for an Anthony Award in the Best Critical/Non-Fiction category. Winners will be announced in September.

A thrilling end to the Amazing Race. At first I thought the Globetrotters were out of it because they missed that train and had to wait 30 minutes more, but they caught up. Zev and Justin’s final fatal flaw was choosing the bikini challenge instead of the drink-making one. They were already a tad behind and got the worst of it in the Brazilian waxing challenge, by far. Taxis once again governed who would win, putting Gary and Mallory out of it in Miami. It was almost a foot (or tricycle) race at the end, but Keisha and Jen were just far enough ahead on Seven Mile Bridge to out-pace the Globetrotters. I wouldn’t have picked them as the winners at any point during the contest, but they won when it counted.

I’m am really pleased that Law and Order: Criminal Intent is back. It’s long been my favorite of the franchise, and Goran and Eames are my favorite TV detectives. It’s interesting that they are plowing straight into the show without spending much time explaining how they ended up back at work. Goran was fired and Eames resigned after turning down a promotion, but there they are, back at their desks with a new boss, Captain Hannah, played by Jay O. Sanders. One character said “welcome back” last week, and the new boss thanked them for returning this week, but we haven’t yet seen how or why that came about. I got a big kick out of Goran’s tricky phone call last week where he pretended to be a campy gay designer. Eames stared at him with bemusement as he flounced through his dialog, and then he made a self-deprecating face when he was finished. Too funny. I suspected the son last week, so I was pleasantly surprised when it didn’t work out that way.

This week we got to see Goran in therapy with Julia Ormond, who looks like she might be his match. “You are exceptional at analyzing others,” she says. “What is it you think will happen if you start looking at yourself?” The sessions are part of the conditions of his return because “some people upstairs” still think he’s crazy. He doesn’t help himself when he accuses Captain Hannah of being a moron, but he’s still got game. D’Onofrio looks like he’s lost some weight, and his voice seems a little different from before, too. He poses the infamous “guy who always lies” vs. “guy who always tells the truth” riddle to his therapist, but she doesn’t answer right away. It’ll be interesting to see how that plays out. Funny reference to Piewacket the cat and to the Jimmy Stewart/Kim Novak film in which the cat appeared: Bell Book and Candle, which is apparently the precursor to Bewitched, though from the movie stills I saw it looks more like That Darned Cat.

The Law and Order shows make interesting use of lawyers. In this week’s episode, the priest’s lawyer was very aggressive. If you don’t charge my client soon, we’re out of here. Goran took him to task, asking “how much time do I have? Tick. Tock.” On the other hand, the actual culprit’s lawyer sat there passively while he confessed to murder without once stepping in.

I got my first hint last night that AMC might flinch a bit when it comes to some of the story developments from the Danish series that is the basis for The Killing. I haven’t seen all of this week’s episode yet, but in Forbrydelsen the murdered girl’s father beats the stuffing out of the school teacher. Knocks him unconscious, breaks several bones and puts him in the hospital. The only thing that stopped him from killing the teacher was the last-minute arrival of the police. He’s arrested and spends some time in jail. I hope that isn’t an indication that they’re going to step away from some other things that happen in the original.

 

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Country Strong

I finished reading Other People We Married by Emma Straub this morning. Very well written literary stories, mostly about unhappy people in bad relationships who are on the verge of making decisions about how to change their situations. Reminded me a lot of Owen King’s collection, We’re All in This Together, mostly in the way the stories ended. Like French films where the credits start rolling before you’re ready for the story to end.

Next up: The Snowman by Jo Nesbø. I also finished reading the first round of stories for the contest I’m judging and submitted my top ten. Number one was an easy choice. Then there were a few good stores, and a handful of okay stories. Once all the other top ten lists are in, I’ll get to read their selections as well and formulate a new top ten list. Presumably this will be harder.

We watched Country Strong on Friday evening. I’m not a big fan of country music, but I like Gwyneth Paltrow and had heard decent things about the film. It’s not a bad story. The usual down-and-out recovery tale with a slightly surprising conclusion. I had a few questions after the movie was over. It was no mystery why Kelly Canter (cantor: a person who leads a choir or the musical part of a service) was drinking heavily in the present part of the story, but there was no explanation what caused her to be such a raging alcoholic earlier that she fell off the stage during a concert, with a blood alcohol level of nearly 0.2. Were we meant to infer from her final conversation with the young ingénue that she recognized the girl’s secrets because they weren’t so far from her own? Her childhood looked idyllic, but many people’s do. To my mind, the character who was “country strong” and the backbone of the film was really Beau. However, we knew absolutely nothing about him other than the fact that he liked playing in small joints and worked as an orderly in a rehab clinic, presumably to pay the bills. Tim McGraw (Faith Hill’s real-life husband) acquitted himself well as Canter’s husband, though his character was difficult to like most of the time. I wasn’t surprised by Kelly’s decision at the end, but I was surprised to see Chiles Stanton show up in the country bar because I was sure that once she experienced all that adulation on the stage in Dallas there was no way she’d be able to give that up. I like it when characters surprise me like that.

Season three of Fringe came to a rollicking conclusion the other night. We discovered more about Sam Weiss (Samwise, i.e. Sam Gamgee?) the previous week, and got to see his bowling skills in use when he stopped the security door in the museum (where he was a patron member since 1982. This week, the machine kicked in and we were shown a vision of our world fifteen years in the future where, apparently, young people age but adults like Olivia and Peter don’t. Olivia’s niece was old enough to be a rookie Fringe agent but Olivia and Peter, now husband and wife, looked identical to the way we knew them in 2011. Astrid, now a full-fledged Fringe agent (Walter: “Now that she no longer has to care for me, she’s able to spread her wings”) was rocking a new hair style and Broyles, now a senator, had a funky eye, perhaps as a result of “what we lost in Detroit.”

Turns out that you can’t destroy the alternate world without wreaking havoc on our own. “That was the day we died.” The End of Dayers were hoping to speed this along. The nominal leader was Moreau, played by Brad Dourif (Deadwood, Lord of the Rings), though he didn’t get much screen time and was actually working for Walternate, who escaped to our world at the last minute on a mission of peace only to be trapped here when the other side was swallowed by a worm hole. Now he’s determined to make sure the same thing happens here. Walter is back in confinement (“I didn’t realize how much I missed swivel chairs. I’ve also missed swiveling.”), the most reviled man in the universe because his actions caused the tumult that will bring about the end of existence. Olivia doesn’t want to have a child with Peter because of the world they would bring that child into. However, she has learned to master her telekinetic skills and is now the head of Fringe Division.

Most of the episode, though, turns out to be Walter’s message back to Peter in 2011 about the implications of the choice he is about to make. Walter is revealed to be one of the “first people,” possibly along with the other Fringe folk. He sends the machine back through the worm hole in Central Park to the Paleozoic era. Walternate is determined to make Peter pay for causing the end of his own universe, but slowly, by taking away all the things he loves, starting with…yikes. What a shot. The ensuing funeral reminded me of something straight out of Lost. The lighting, the camera angles, the flickering torches, even the score. “There aren’t any happy endings nowadays, are there?”

And then there’s the mind and time twisting deeds of the final few moments, when Peter gets Walter’s message and makes a new decision that brings both factions together. Walter faces Walternate. Olivia meets Fauxlivia. And Peter…huh? The observers explained what happened, and it was very last-season-Doctor Who. What does that mean for Fauxlivia’s son? How can they bring him back if no one knows to look for him? I sure hope the creators have some good answers up their sleeves for what they’ve wrought! A compelling cliff hanger leading to months of anguish as we wait for the resolution.

I wasn’t a huge fan of this week’s Doctor Who. It was okay, and I liked swashbuckling Amy, but I’d rather find out about the little girl we saw at the end of last week’s episode. I thought it was a big of a cheat to have the Doctor say (last week), we could either find out more about her or go off on some completely unrelated adventure. Also thought it was a little unfair to undo the fates of all those characters in this episode. I thought they were going all Torchwood on us and then took it all back. Creepy woman with robotic eyepatch is creepy though. During the Insider bit, Moffat said that having a villain who was both scary and sexy was a bonus. Lily Cole, the model who played the siren, has an otherworldly look about her. Next week, it’s the episode written by Neil Gaiman, which is supposed to have a lot to do with the TARDIS, I hear. The Graham Norton episode afterward with David Tennant and Catherine Tate was amusing.

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The slush pile

I received my contributor copy of Screem magazine yesterday. Haven’t had a chance to look at it in detail yet, but I plan to this weekend. The editor has invited me to write for them again, so now I have to come up with good pitches for him.

John C. Farris, son of author John Farris, had some nice things to say about me on his blog. My favorite line: “He also has the  unique ability to make you feel like he’s known you forever.”

World Horror seems to have done a number on a couple of people. Peter Straub ended up going to the hospital with congestive heart failure a couple of days after the convention and Guest of Honor Steve Niles came down with walking pneumonia. Yikes!

I’ve never had to read the slush pile, but I’m in a similar situation at present in that I’m judging a short fiction contest. We had something on the order of 150 submissions. The four judges have divided the list evenly and will present our top 10 lists to each other. That way, every story gets at least one read, and the better among the bunch will get several reads. We each winnow the top 40 down to individual top 10 lists again and then it goes on to committee for discussion with the judges. It seems like a daunting task, but it’s not so bad. First off, our top 10 list doesn’t have to be ordered. That helps me greatly, because I’m very bad at ranking. I get bogged down in the decision about whether something should be #5 or #6.

The other thing that helps is that a lot of the stories quite frankly aren’t very good. The standouts, well, they stand out. You know how when you read an anthology and you like some stories better than others? Some don’t work for you—but they might work for other readers? When you read slush, you encounter stories that probably won’t work for anyone. When I discussed this at World Horror with someone who has done this before, I was told that I’ll probably find one story that is head and shoulders above all of the others.

Most of the submissions have competent sentence structure and good spelling and acceptable formatting. I haven’t seen one yet where I would say that the person didn’t understand the fundamentals of grammar, though there are a few slips here and there. But some of the authors don’t understand how to tell a story. One, for example, opened with a strong, hookish first sentence and then retreated to two or three pages of aimless preamble about weather and breakfast. The real story begins on about page 8 (out of 12). Another “story” is a 10-page explanation of who the main character is. It reads like a clinical analysis. Interesting, perhaps, but there’s no story. Some try too hard to be funny. Scary or suspenseful is hard…funny is really hard. Out of the first dozen or so I’ve read so far, only one made it to my personal short list, and even it wasn’t a standout. It’s an interesting experience. Think I’ll write about it for my next Storytellers Unplugged entry.

I’m still playing TV catch-up from World Horror. I’m now up to speed on C.S.I. as it heads into the home stretch. I thought Bruce Davison was going to get more mileage in last week’s episode, but he came to an early end. It took me a while to realize that the actor who plays Hank on Breaking Bad was Langston’s ex-wife’s new husband, and that the singer that Nate Haskell was watching was, in fact, Gloria. I’m not quite sure what all that sleight-of-hand concerning plastic surgery was supposed to be about. Maybe we’ll find out more in the finale, or maybe it was just a red herring. And I figured that the actor who plays Arlo Givens on Justified was going to get more use than just being a hick farmer, but I had no idea that he was going to end up being Haskell’s father. That was a nice twist. And I have to say that I was 100% willing to believe that Ray killed Tina. Good to see Sophia Curtis back in her new elevated position, and it was funny that they ran into Conrad Eckley’s daughter in Los Angeles, where she works for SID (Scientific Investigations Division), the California analog to CSI, apparently. Funny line of the episode came from the LAPD detective who marveled at the number of CSIs who came out to California. “Anybody left in Vegas to catch crooks?”

I’d almost forgotten about Hightower on The Mentalist, but Patrick is still working to get her name cleared. He hired a guy he met on a previous case to break into La Roche’s house to find his suspect list for the insider. I’m still betting on Van Pelt’s fiancé, though I’m not sure if the evidence backs that up. It was funny seeing Patrick try to hypnotize the burgler’s guard and fail. Lisbon came up with an innovative way to get him off the hook: punch the suspect in the nose in the presence of his lawyer, thereby violating due process and canceling the charges. For her sins, a one-week suspension and six months of anger management. She must really like Patrick.

This week we got to meet Rigsby’s ne’er-do-well father, a former meth cooker who now bootlegs cigarettes. He’s getting so old that he never fights any more, and he carries a knife to guarantee that any fisticuffs come to a quick end. I liked Patrick’s scene in the classroom, where he extracted information from the students. Especially his exit line, quoting from Copacabana. He thought the prison control room, with all it’s monitors, was reality TV at its finest. Big Bad Brother, I guess. The solution to the crime hinged on two observations: a gold bauble on the laundry driver’s wrist and carefully manicured fingers on an inmate. Did that play fair? Sort of, I guess, but it seemed a little bit micro-detailed. I liked Rigsby’s solution to getting the meth cooker out of his kitchen (“Always worked with my dad”) and the way his tussle with his father gave him the strength to tell Van Pelt why he won’t attend her wedding. That scene just reinforced my belief that her wedding won’t come off, perhaps because her fiancé is going to be exposed. Will there be any more Red John this season? Is there time?

 

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Bad things are fixin’ to happen

The week after a con is always a busy one, just scrambling to get back to where I was before I left. I don’t think I’m going to get any writing done this week. I have to read about 40 short stories by the end of the weekend for the contest I’m judging, so that should pretty much fill up my waking hours.

We had a strange shift in the weather. After many days in the nineties, the temperature dipped, going down to the low forties overnight. Today’s high is only 79°. For May, it’s unusual, but we’ll be getting back to something akin to normal in a day or so. Still virtually no rain, though.

Rob’s tribe on Survivor accomplished what rarely happens: the dominant group obliterated the one with fewer numbers. What usually happens is that someone waffles, doesn’t stick with the plan, and a strategic mistake is made to mess things up. Or the smaller faction starts winning immunity challenges or comes up with a hidden idol. The hidden idol hasn’t been much of a feature this year. Ralph wasted his, and Rob still has his tucked away and no one else knows about it. With his immunity win last night, that puts him in a pretty good position for the finals.

Poor Andrea gambled and lost. In her position, even though she thought she was safe, she made a play to win immunity and revealed her strength. That made her a double threat, so it was no big surprise that she went to Redemption Island. Though it looked like Steve threw the RI challenge, he said later that he gave it his best. I couldn’t believe that he still weighed 217 lbs when he made it to Ponderosa. He looked like a scarecrow. Does anyone believe that Philip has been pretending to be a nutjob for nearly a month? He claims that’s his strategy, but it’s hard to keep up a pretense like that for so long. Mike made an interesting choice regarding the “loved ones” after winning the “quadruel.” The wild card is who gets to go back after RI. If it’s someone from Zapatera, that person is going to have a lot of friends on the jury.

I was really glad to see Kynt and Vyxsin go on The Amazing Race last week. Kynt was beyond getting on my nerves. The search and rescue detour made me think of The Silent Land by Graham Joyce. Not sure I’d want Zev and Justin rescuing me based on the condition their dummy ended up in. Zev can be funny when he wants to. “I think there are too many cooks in the kitchen,” he observes when Flight Time (or was it Big Easy?) went off on Vyxsin. And bonus points for “Thanks, Captain Obvious” delivered to the woman who said the gnome was getting heavier because they were pouring chocolate into it.

I finally got caught up on last week’s Justified and watched the season finale, too. Wow. What a nice wrap-up. The aftermath of Raylan’s aunt’s murder was the first time Olyphant really reminded me of Seth Bullock from Deadwood. It was mostly in that dead-arm way he has of walking when everything’s bottled up inside. His scene with the prostitute when he was trying to find Dickie was pretty funny: Two pump chum. And I wonder how many people are old enough to get his reference to Quick Draw McGraw, who was one of my favorite comic characters when I was a kid.

Raylan’s musings at the graveside said it all: Under different circumstances, I’m certain plenty of people could have been happy here. And didn’t Ava look mighty fine in her funeral black?

And who would have guessed that Dickie would be the sole Bennett to survive the season? I thought for sure his days were numbered two or three episodes back. Then Raylan has a gun to his head and the end seems inevitable. The feud between the two families has been going on for the better part of a century. But when it came right down to it, Raylan had to honor the memory of his aunt, who sacrificed her life to raise her sister’s boy like he was her own so that he could live a better life. As he told Loretta later, everything would change with the pull of a trigger, and not for the better.

I was very happy with their decision to turn Loretta into the finale’s wild card. Things were hairy enough without her, but here was this independent-minded little girl dead set on finding out the truth about her daddy wandering through the mine field and walking right into the cavern of her enemy. (Funny, too, that her “taxi driver” was a guy who played Raylan Givens in Pronto.) “I’m tired of people telling me as much truth as they see fit,” she says after shooting Mags in the leg. She managed to avoid being hypnotized by Mags’ seductive monologue on the difficulties of holding onto a weapon and firing it for the first time, and had already delivered a Raylanesque line to Messer: “You make me pull my hand out of this bag, you might not like what it comes out with.” Apparently the writers weren’t sure how much Loretta would feature into the season beyond the first episode. A lot depended on the actress’s performance, and she was fantastic.

My favorite Raylan line, though, was the one he delivered to Loretta’s foster father, who didn’t want to reveal that Loretta had stolen his illegal gun. “Once you start lying to me there’s going to be a river between us with no bridge to cross.”

Doyle called his troops “knuckleheads,” and how true was that? When Loretta fired her shot, they just opened up and I have no idea what the heck they were shooting at. And Art got some of his best lines when he arrived on the scene with the cavalry. “Drop your weapons or you will be shot. Do you dumb peckerwoods understand English? On the ground, hillbillies.”

I’ve said this a bunch of times before, and I’ll say it again. The most threatening words that ever came out of Mags Bennett’s mouth were: “You thirsty, darling?” followed by “Do you want a drink?” I had a pretty good idea of what she was up to at the end and never for a moment worried that the spice had gone into the other glass of apple pie. It was a brilliant swan song for a terrific character, and if she doesn’t get an Emmy nomination there’s no justice.

What does next season have in store for us? Ava’s situation is unresolved, and what will Boyd think when he finds out that Raylan won’t be bringing Dickie back after “borrowing” him for a while. Will Boyd return to his old ways and run amok in Harlan County? And what will become of Harlan County when the coal miners arrive? (Will that even be important?) Winona saved Raylan’s bacon by going to Art, but will she stick around, especially now that she’s pregnant? I have to think that Glynco isn’t going to enter into the equation. “They’re always looking for guys like me,” Raylan says. “What, guys who shot people? You got that covered,” Art says. True dat.

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WHC 2011 is History: Part 2

In the elevator on Saturday morning I found myself saying that I was on my way to a panel on how to kill people. Only at World Horror could you say something like that and not attract strange looks.

The hotel was overrun by a group of students from SMU in Dallas. They were far more raucous than we were, so they drew some of the heat away from our own rowdy behavior. More than one attendee was awakened in the middle of the night by their antics, including one incident where they were discovered dragging a box spring mattress down the hallway.

The aforementioned panel was great. Among the panelists were Joe R. Lansdale, Wrath James White, Brian Keene, Weston Ochse, Hank Schwaeble, Sandra Wickham, and Lincoln Crisler. They had expertise in just about every martial arts technique in existence, as well as firearms expertise. They swapped skills and also talked about things they see in movies and books that make them cringe, but also discussed how allowances had to be made for dramatic effect. Still, the ten-minute fight scenes really take about 8 seconds in real life, and a pistol fired four times and then pressed against someone’s forehead will go “SSSSssss” and deliver a second-degree burn. Ah, details!

I was on a panel (pictured) with Rocky Wood, Del Howison, Dallas, Lawrence Person and William F. Nolan (Logan’s Run). The question posed to the panel was what the horror landscape would look like if Stephen King had never entered it. Though we drifted from the topic from time to time, we had an interesting discussion. I was honored to be on the panel with such illustrious authors. I admitted that my two books would be a lot thinner if King hadn’t become a writer. Later, I postulated that the panel should have posed the question and then disappeared in a puff because, without King, the panel would never have existed. I wished I could remember the exact Douglas Adams quote that made me think of this.

My major accomplishment of the convention took place at 4 p.m. on Saturday afternoon. Beth Gwinn, the photographer who usually covers conventions for places like Locus magazine, missed the opening ceremonies, which was the only time all of the Guests of Honor and other special guests were in the same place at the same time. As Guest of Honor Liaison, I was asked by her to help get them back together for a couple of photos. The phrase “herding cats” came to mind on several occasions. At first we thought we’d get them together at 6 p.m., just before the supper break and the mass signing. I tracked everyone down on Friday and they all agreed. However, some made a note of it and some just said “yes,” so I followed up on Saturday morning. All of a sudden there were conflicts. So we backed it up an hour, but more conflicts arose.

Finally, I noticed that one Guest of Honor was finishing a Q&A at 4 p.m. and four others were on the panel that started immediately after in the same room. That was half the bunch. All I had to do was get the other five to show up in the gap between sessions and we were good to go. And it worked. Present and accounted for: Brian Keene, Sarah Langan, Joe Hill, Sandra Kasturi, Brett Savory, Joe R. Lansdale, Jack Ketchum, Del Howison, Vincent Chong and Steve Niles. Pictures taken, mission accomplished.

I really wanted to hear Sarah Langan’s reading, but I was conscripted to baby sit the art room while Chad Savage had a break. While I was sitting there, a woman was taking photographs of a model in a medieval gown out in the pre-function area. She asked to use the art room wall as a backdrop and proceeded to explain to me why that color worked better with the model’s dress color. “I’ll have to take your word for it,” I told the photographer. “I’m colorblind.” The model looked at me in amazement. “And you’re working in the art room?”

I made it to the 4 p.m. panel on the subject of graphic novels, with Joe Hill, Steve Niles, Brian Keene, Joe R. Lansdale and others. While I was sitting there, Peter Straub appeared at my side and told me to scoot over. I scooted. “I read your twitter comment about my story,” he said. “I’ve got something for you.” He proceeded to sign the manuscript of the story he’d read the day before and gave it to me. What an amazing guy! Twitter to the rescue!

The evening was mostly taken up with the Mass Signing. I helped Wrath and others set up the place markers for all those who had requested a table and lugged in my boxes of books from the car. One of the advantages of driving was that I could bring more books than I normally do. I was seated next to Joe McKinney on one side and F. Paul Wilson on another, looking across at Yvonne Navarro, Weston Ochse and Rhodi Hawk, among others. I sold enough books to pay my week’s bar tab, including copies of Thin Ice, When The Night Comes Down, The Road to the Dark Tower and The Stephen King Illustrated Companion. I also signed a ton of other anthologies for people, including a few copies of A Sea of Alone. Martel Sardina had ordered a stack of these for the show. I signed her stock after we were done. The Mass Signing is a good chance to interact with people who you might not otherwise get a chance to see during the convention. I met a guy who lives only a couple of miles from me who I didn’t know.

I met up with Brian Keene, Mary Sangiovanni and others in the bar after the signing before we all headed upstairs to the various book launch parties. There was one on the third floor and another immediately above it, with the staircase nearby, so I drifted back and forth between the two and had many great conversations, mostly in the hallway where it was about 20 degrees cooler than in the suites.

Things started winding down pretty fast on Sunday morning. I had to drive Joe Hill to the airport after breakfast and then I babysat the art room again while Chad sat on a panel. Had a chance to chat with Peter Straub and his wife again when they wandered through the art room. Checked out of my room, made the rounds trying to say goodbye to as many people as I could track down, and hit the road by around noon. Same issue with the tire pressure light, but this time I just ignored it after I filled up with gas and verified that the pressures were all okay.

It was an amazing convention. This is the first time I’ve worked behind the scenes. I tried to fill in wherever they needed me, carrying stuff, finding people, working at registration or whatever, but I had ample time to take in the scheduled events, too. The show ran like a well-oiled machine and we received many compliments, which I always referred to Nate, Lee and the others who have spent the last two years putting this thing together. There were no major crises or glitches, and no complaints that I was aware of other than the behavior of the university kids, which was beyond our control. The hotel gave us a lot of latitude and support. The facilities were great, the rooms nice, the atmosphere welcoming.

There were two particularly poignant moments. The first came during the opening ceremonies when Nate told the attendees that he had found out a few hours earlier that his brother passed away. He was emotional for a few minutes (“that’s all you get,” he said) but he was happy to be among all of his friends at this difficult time. He was a trooper during the rest of the con. I’d never met him before, though we’ve interacted a lot online in recent years, and I was very happy to meet and get to know him. At the other end of the equation was Rocky Wood, who came up to me after the Mass Signing to say goodbye, probably for the last time. Rocky has ALS and his doctors tell him he probably won’t be able to travel after this fall. “I don’t want to be morbid,” he said, and he was anything but. He’s handled this horrible situation with grace and strength, and I can only wish him the best during whatever comes next.

And, as always, it was about getting to see old friends and making new ones. It would be impossible to name check everyone, but the con was well attended and everyone seemed to have a good time. It’s hard to believe it’s all over now, but I had a blast and I’m sure Nate and Lee are relieved to have this in the rearview mirror.

Now it’s back to real life.

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WHC 2011 is history: PART 1

I drove to Austin a little less than a week ago to attend World Horror 2011. I got on the road around 9 a.m. because I had to pick up Guest of Honor Joe Hill at the Austin airport shortly after noon. I got no more than 10 miles before the low-tire-pressure light came on. I pulled over and checked all the pressures. Everything was okay. Reset the indicator and ten miles later it came on again. I played this game all the way to Austin (175 miles), but after a while I stopped checking, just reset the indicator. Joe’s flight was a little late coming in, so I had time to find free wireless in the airport and make my first tweet of the con. It was about the compelling subject of “throwback” Pepsi, which is made with real sugar. I’d forgotten what Pepsi was supposed to taste like.

Got Joe to the hotel without any false turns and met up with co-organizers Lee Thomas and Nate Southard in the lobby, along with Guest of Honor Sarah Langan and Grand Master Jack Ketchum, aka Dallas Mayr. Lee took us to a barbecue place in town for a late lunch and the rest of the day was spent banging around the lobby. That was the only place in the hotel that had free Wi-Fi, so I hung out there quite a bit during the convention, which was nice as it was a good place to meet up with people. Met up with my roommate, Nick Mamatas, upon his arrival. Our time schedules were offset by a couple of hours so I saw him conscious in our room only once. I was usually asleep by the time he got into the room each night, and I was up and gone before he arose.

In the late afternoon I took Dallas on a shopping run. After wandering the mall parking lot across the street for a while and getting some poorly understood directions, I made the wrong turn on Airport Blvd and ended up taking him on a merry ride, though ultimately a successful one. Gave us time to talk, which is always fun.

The convention didn’t start officially until Thursday evening. During the day, I helped Nate and Joe McKinney set up the Art Dealer’s Room and helped unload a U-Haul truck full of goody bags and souvenir books. Brian Keene brought me a thoughtful present: a couple of lumps of coal from Centralia in honor of my short story “Centralia is Still Burning.” That was really cool. He and some friends visited the site a while back.

Then I took Guest of Honor Steve Niles (30 Days of Night) on a shopping trip to buy a charger for his cell phone. Again, I misheard the directions and headed north on I-35 when I should have gone south, so the trip took a little longer than it should have. I hadn’t met Niles before, so we had time to get to know each other on the journey and ended up discussing, of all things, Scandinavian crime fiction by the time we got to Best Buy. That was a lot of fun.

Back at the hotel, I met up with old friends as they arrived. There were a lot of stories about misadventures along the way. Claude Lalumière, for example, meant to take the train all the way from Canada to Texas, but when he got to Chicago he found it the next leg was canceled because of flooding in the Mid-West.

I’m already having a hard time remembering what happened exactly when. My Twitter feed helps a little. Before the opening ceremonies, I had drinks in the bar with Brian Keene, Nate, Lee and the Deadite Press group. Afterward, we (the committee members) took the Guests of Honor to a nearby restaurant for dinner. Some people went in a hearse limousine, and I took others in my car. Three of the Guests of Honor (Brian Keene, Del Howison and Sarah Langan) had to get back in time for a 10 p.m. panel, so I took them. True to form, I made a wrong turn, but we realized my error pretty quickly so we didn’t go too far out of the way and I got them there safe and sound and on time! During the panel, these three, along with Yvonne Navarro and Rose O’Keefe, discussed how much money they made. No one shed any tears and many industry secrets were revealed.

On Friday, I got up in time to see the last kiss on the balcony at Buckingham Palace. Later, Nick Mamatas thanked me for not turning on the television at 3 a.m. to watch the Royal Wedding. He knew it was a Canadian imperative that I see it. I was sitting in the (very large) lobby reading my Facebook feed when I read that Scott Edelman had gone on a donut run and had dozens and dozens to give out at the registration desk. Which was only 15 feet behind me. If I’d turned around, I might have seen them. Isn’t technology great?

My next duty was to get Joe Hill together with Jim Argendeli from CNN.com for an interview. We used the convention suite, which wasn’t yet open to the public. Later, I attended a panel about the wisdom of writing short stories, or the lack thereof. (Joe Hill, Brad Sinor, Suzanne Church, Claude Lalumière, Molly Tanzer, Orrin Grey). Hung out in the lobby with Joe Hill and Simon Clark for a while before heading over to the next door Mexican restaurant, where I was invited to join Jeff Strand and his wife Lynn Hansen, Norman Prentiss and his partner and Chesya Burke for lunch. Had a margarita. Visited the Edge book launch in the con suite.

My main task of the day was to conduct Joe Hill’s guest of Honor interview in the afternoon. Earlier that day, he approached me and said he had a “terrible idea,” which was to let him read first and then ask only a few questions to prime the pump before opening the floor to questions. That suited me just fine.

Joe read a chapter from his new novel called NOS 4A2. You may have to say it out loud a few times to get it! The chapter was about a night watchman at a morgue who likes to take pictures of himself with corpses in various poses. On this occasion, the stiff in question was a serial killer who had been in a coma before dying. The chapter is funny as hell, until it turns very dark (literally) and frightening. Can’t wait to read the whole thing. I asked him a few questions about Locke and Key and the upcoming Fox adaptation and then we rolled along mostly with audience questions. Quite a few people complimented me on the way it went, but mostly I stayed the hell out of the way and let Joe talk. Maybe that’s the secret to a good interview. Whenever there was a lull, I’d ask something, but there weren’t many lulls.

After that, I went to Peter Straub’s reading. He chose an excerpt from a 16,000 word novella called “The Ballad of Ballard and Sandrine,” which will appear in Conjunctions #56: Terra Incognita: The Voyage Issue, due out shortly. It was a fascinating, dreamlike snippet featuring the eponymous characters on a boat on the Amazon. They seem to enjoy torturing each other, and they are not allowed to see the boat’s crew. The food they eat is sumptuous but unidentifiable. Afterwards, I tweeted about the story. (More on this later.)

Then I went to Joe Lansdale’s reading. He did a bit from the Hap and Leonard novella “Hyenas” and then all of the accompanying short story “The Boy Who Became Invisible,” a poignant standalone story from Hap’s youth. The former had us roaring with laughter and the latter brought us back to reality with a bang. Lansdale said that he is Hap, more or less. He has an ongoing age-related banter with crime writer Bill Crider that was funny, too. It came up again and again over the weekend. Apparently it’s been going on for 30+ years.

During the interlude, I met John C. Farris, son of author John Farris (The Fury, All Heads Turn When the Hunt Goes By). I read a bunch of the elder Farris’s books back in the 1980s. Then it was off to the the Jack Ketchum interview, led by Wrath James White, and the Grand Master Award Presentation, which started with a tribute video put together by Lee Thomas. Dallas spoke eloquently on the subject of gravitas. After that there was a reception in the pre-function area outside the meeting rooms, where I noshed on chicken nuggets and drank beer while mixing with people too numerous to enumerate. Also went to the ChiZine book launch party in the con suite and picked up Paul Tremblay’s collection In the Mean Time.

To be continued…

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Enter Screeming

I’m back from World Horror in Austin. I’ll write more about the convention later when I can think straighter. Anyone who’s been to a conference like this will understand that there’s a certain amount of disorientation after returning to real life. In brief: it was a complete and total blast, and an unqualified success at every level. Nate Southard and Lee Thomas, along with the other organizers, put together an awesome convention that ran like a well-oiled machine. I’m sure there are pictures all over the ‘net for those who weren’t there…and for those who were but can’t remember.

Early this year I received a request to write an article for Screem magazine. They were doing a vampire-themed issue and were looking for someone to write about ‘Salem’s Lot. Right up my alley. Since the magazine is more film oriented, they wanted me to write about the various adaptations, so I watched the two TV miniseries versions of the novel again and, for the first time, the dreadful so-called sequel. I think my essay ended up somewhere north of 5-6000 words. The editors also wrangled interviews with King and other luminaries for the issue, which is out now. You can order it directly from their web site or wait until it appears on news stands later this month. Here’s the issue description:

SCREEM #22 is now available! Our all vampire issue features an exclusive interview with Stephen King, an essay on Salem’s Lot by author Bev Vincent (The Illustrated Stephen King companion); A look back at Innocent Blood with director John Landis; Black, White, and Red All over: Lugosi’s Dracula celebrates its 80th Anniversary by Scott Essman; The films of Jean Rollin; Tom Weaver speaks with Return of Dracula star Nora Eberhardt; An interview with author Dacre Stoker (Dracula Un-Dead); a retrospective on Hammer studio’s classic horror films Vampire Circus and Twins of Evil, and much more in the Spring edition of Screem magazine!

I saw absolutely no television while at World Horror, so it’s going to take me a while to get caught up. I saw the kiss on the balcony at the end of the royal wedding, on a TV in the lobby, and that was it. (My roommate, Nick Mamatas, thanked me later that day for not turning on the TV in our room at 3 a.m. to watch. Seeing as how I’m Canadian and all, and it’s almost a national obligation. Kate looked awesome, though.)

I finally watched last week’s episode of Survivor and managed to avoid most spoilers in the interim. Something someone said to me at World Horror told me that Rob and Philip weren’t the ones eliminated, but Jeff Strand wouldn’t even say if it was a good episode or a bad one, that’s how tight-lipped he can be. Turns out it was a pretty good one, mostly because of the twist at the end. Strand will set me straight on this, but I don’t recall there being an immunity challenge during tribal before. I couldn’t believe that they were going to get that done in the little time left on the episode. And I totally called it last week when I predicted that Philip would use his mad skills to find his shorts. That cake looked really rich, like fudge. Not sure how much a person could eat, and what the effect would be on their metabolism given how little food they’ve ingested in the last month.

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The horror! The horror!

I’m driving to Austin tomorrow morning for World Horror 2011. It takes a little over three hours, depending on the traffic. I have to be there by 12:30 to pick someone up at the airport. I’m just about ready for the trip, except for packing and stuff like that. I’m mentally packed, at least.

Finished Started Early, Took My Dog by Kate Atkinson last night. The title comes from Emily Dickinson, who is also quoted in the text, as are a number of other poets and writers. I liked the book a lot. Detailed review to follow, including my ruminations on the meaning of a birthmark shaped like Africa (or India). Not sure what I’m going to read next. Probably the 20 or so short stories I have to read for the contest I’m judging. Not sure I’ll get much reading time between now and Monday.

I’m still keeping up with Law & Order: LA, and it’s limping along as a moderately good show. Could have done without the random Kardashian cameo, but I guess a certain number of celebrities are expected to pop up in a show based in L.A. And at some point they’re going to have to get past Molina’s character being a perpetual liability to the police force instead of an asset. Always good to see Paula Malcomson (Sons of Anarchy, Deadwood, recently Fringe), and the case ended up being like something Ross MacDonald would have written.

Apparently The Event posted good numbers last night, though it aired against a rerun of Castle so that might have been a factor. They really surprised me on a couple of fronts. First, I thought the president was playing possum, that he’d sussed the VP’s plan and was laying a trap for him by pretending to be dying. Nope. Looks like he might be toast. Then I thought Blake would come up with the required proof to keep Jarvis from taking the oath of office, but that didn’t work out, either. Looks like Martinez will either have to make a recovery or else Blake will have to bring down the new president. And if Martinez dies, that whole subplot about his wife maybe being an alien will have been for nothing.

I’m not convinced by Leila’s father’s behavior. He doesn’t seem to have much affection for his daughter. Sure, he stepped up when she was in danger, but he seems cold. I really like what the weapon turned out to be. That’s one surefire way to get rid of a significant percentage of the population without caring who they are one way or the other. Survival of the fittest, I guess. And yet it seems very American-centric. Why send the virus from Russia to the US when China and India are so close at hand and would seem like the logical starting place from which to cull the population?

I also want to book passage on whatever method of conveyance Sean and Vicky used to get from France to Murmansk in the blink of an eye. Have to admit that Vicky somehow manages to look good even in complete biological hazard gear.

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Madness is what genius looks like to a tiny mind

We spent the weekend in a beachfront house in Surfside, Texas, which is on the Gulf of Mexico about 45 miles down the coast from Galveston. This is our fourth trip to that community, and our third staying in the same rental. It was a get-away-from-it-all weekend and it was perfect. There was a fairly strong wind coming in from the gulf that modulated the temperature. It never got overly hot, thanks to that constant breeze. The waves were high, loud and constant. We cooked meals, walked on the beach, sat on the deck without fearing sunburn and read. Oh, so relaxing. Highly recommended. The beach was fairly busy for so early in the season, though people tended to pack up around 4 or 5 p.m. The water must have been reasonably warm because quite a few people went in. Lots of kites being flown.

I finished The Night Season by Chelsea Cain on Saturday. A decent serial killer thriller, though a tad far-fetched in terms of the killer’s M.O. Nice historical tie-in and the saturated city and the looming flood were well drawn. The killer wasn’t caught by any kind of real deduction—they more or less stumbled upon him by accident. A fast read and some decent threats to the primary characters that kept the pages turning.

I also read about 90% (according to my Kindle) of Started Early, Took My Dog by Kate Atkinson. This is her fourth novel featuring erstwhile detective/policeman Jackson Brodie, who still takes the odd case, often against his own better judgement. In this book, he’s looking for the birth parents of a woman from New Zealand who was adopted. Fairly non-threatening, but it puts him right in the middle of a decades old cover-up, and he’s not the only one interested. One common element among all of Atkinson’s novels is her reliance on coincidence to drive the plot. In general, writers of fiction avoid coincidence because it doesn’t seem credible to readers. Too convenient. But her use of it is so heavy handed that you just have to go along for the ride. Her style is complex and lavish, her word usage is eminently British, as are her cultural references to things like Gene Hunt (Life on Mars), the TARDIS (Doctor Who) and Hyacinth Bucket (Keeping Up Appearances). It’s a delightful novel. The little kid who makes stars with her hand and uses thumbs-up/thumbs-down to indicate her approval or lack thereof is a charmer.

The Montreal Expos still exist in the alternate world on Fringe. This week’s episode was a equal parts build up and fizzle. Walternate’s desperation is pushing the confrontation between universes to the brink, and our heroes on both sides have plans that don’t work. Fauxlivia stages an invasion, browbeats Brandon into coughing up the secrets of interdimensional travel but doesn’t heed his warning, so she gets caught with duff tech. And Peter’s plan to act as a giant Off switch meets with even less success. “If this works and I save both worlds, I want you to consider me officially retired,” he tells Broyles, who isn’t the least bit shamefaced about his behavior on acid last week. Just when Olivia is getting comfortable in Peter’s bed (except for Walter’s habit of walking around naked on Tuesdays), things go bad again. Loved Walter’s scene in the chapel, pleading for God to take his life instead of destroying the world. “I don’t know my way around here,” he says. And then there’s Sam, the guy from the bowling alley. He knows a lot. How does he fit into the mythos?

One thing to remember about The Killing: the eye of suspicion is going to track all over the place and fall upon many people. People may become serious suspects, be exonerated and then fall back under suspicion as new evidence turns up. Just because someone is a suspect now doesn’t mean you can exclude them from consideration just because it’s too early in the season for the killer to be revealed. It’s a tricky show, in many ways! (One of the interesting differences between this version and the original is that the detective in the Danish version was leaving for Sweden, where she hoped to work with the police but wouldn’t be able to arrest people or carry a gun because of the nationality thing. And her son was studying Swedish so he could go to school there. Not quite the same culture shock as going to northern California!)

Sad to see the cowboys go on The Amazing Race. Though the Globetrotters U-turned them, they had effectively already been U-turned by the bicycle ride across Lichtenstein. A couple of the early contestants got the answer right (which amazed me given the number of false turns some of them took) and the others colluded to provide the answer to the rest except for the cowboys, which meant Jet had to do the course all over again. I think they would have been out of the race even without the U-turn at the end. Hopefully they enjoyed the fondue more the Zev and Justin did. Some of the other teams think that Zev and Justin have a handicap since Zev’s going to have to do more of the roadblocks from here on out, but he just might surprise them. Boy, is Kent turning out to be a royal pain this season? I don’t remember him whining so much last time.

Doctor Who is back, and wow, what a way to start the new season. The Doctor has been sending Amy and Rory messages in history texts and inserts into Charlie Chaplin films and finally settles for a good old formal invite, complete with date, time and latitude/longitude, which takes them to the American west and an amazing sequence of events that left my head spinning. And that didn’t count River shooting the stetson off the Doctor’s head in a replay of last season’s Fez incident. A rather cheeky allusion to Amy packing on a few pounds and some queasiness told me her secret long before she spilled it to the Doctor. Does Rory know, one wonders? For this American two-part episode, lots of references to presidents and states. The FBI guy’s name is Delaware. The clue leads to an intersection of three streets named for presidents. And Tricky Dickie himself is there. River sums up his record: Vietnam, Watergate…there’s some good stuff, too. “Not enough,” the Doctor says. “Hippy,” she calls him. “Archeologist,” he fires back. Them’s fighting words.

I liked the bit between Delaware and Nixon, where Nixon says that the FBI guy was his second choice for the mission. “That’s okay. You were my second choice for president,” Delaware says. I was delighted to discover that the guys playing older Delaware and younger Delaware are real-life father and son. (I recognized the younger one as one of Captain Mal’s regular foes on Firefly.)

For the first time, the companions are one step ahead of the Doctor and can’t share information with him. The Doctor won’t trust River—he doesn’t even really know who she is—but he trusts Amy when she swears on fish sticks and custard, their private joke. The aliens are particularly creepy, looking like the kind that kidnapped Whitley Strieber. Unlike the statues that move when you blink, these ones blink out of your memory completely when you aren’t looking at them. Freaky. The scene in the Oval Office was great. Doctor: River, make her blue again. Secret Service Agent: Do not compliment the intruder.

And lots of flirty bits between the Doctor and River. “That’s her ‘he’s hot when he’s clever’ face,” he says. “That’s my normal face,” she counters. “Yeah, it is.” Plus River’s spoiler about her being a screamer. Funniest exchange, though, was when the Doctor introduced his team: The legs, the nose and Mrs. Robinson. “I hate you,” River says with genuine passion. “No you don’t.” And the Doctor’s tag line: “I’m OK. I’m the King of OK.”

Followed by the cliff-hanger to end all cliff hangers. The shot heard around the TARDIS.

I was really impressed with last season’s long game—the payoff of little bits of things that happened throughout the season at the end. I’m hoping for something similar this year, but I hope they don’t make us wait until the end to figure out what the first 10 minutes of this season mean.

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